Originally published Dec. 6, 2010
We all know that Christmas — as celebrated in most of the Western world — is an amalgam of pagan holidays rebranded/co-opted to celebrate the birth of Christ.
While most people are pleasantly amused by the dueling religious folkways vying to distract us from glorious consumerism, they are dangerously ignorant to the true puppetmaster (master of puppets?) of the season: SATAN!
I mean, the season officially begins on Black Friday and it’s not like he has really gone out of his way to disguise his involvement, as the good folks at Landover Baptist Church illustrate. Instead of trying to put the “Christ” back in “Christmas”, maybe we should just embrace the horror and ring in the new year with our Dark Lord. But wait, I know what you are thinking — won’t it be hard to find great Black Christmas carols and Satanic Holiday specials for the kids? Of course not! Satan WANTS you to be happy here on Earth and has had his minions working over the years to make the transition easy.
Dee Snyder has cut “A Twisted Christmas” for your listening pleasure, AC/DC invites you to have a “Mistress for Christmas“, and they have even over-dubbed some animated holiday classics for the kids (heads up on the last one: speed metal = NWS language).
But it should come as no surprise that the true dark emissaries of this Violent Night are the rawkbeasts, Spın̈al Tap:
Christmas with the Devil (SINGLE version)
Great Christmas song or greatest Christmas song? If you have even the slightest doubt, just ask the “someone up your chimney-hole.”
Christmas with the Devil (LIVE version)
Audio/Video Quality? Terrible. Contextual Hilarity? Goes to 11…
Christmas with the Devil (JAZZ version)
This was only medium-amusing until I noticed the bassist…
And just because the calendar is about to go to (20)11, here is an extra non-holiday video about consumerism and a bit of trivia: the IMDb rating scale for “This is Spın̈al Tap” also goes to 11 …
ABOUT THE CHRISTMAS ADVENT SPAM CALENDAR
Ten years ago, I got a wild hair and decided to try to produce content for an email thread of friends each day in December leading up to Christmas. Taking a look back, some posts still feel pretty clever, some are kinda dated, and some are just embarrassing. But not so bad that they are not worth reposting for posterity. So, here they are with some typos fixed and editorial notes where a link is dead or something feels like it could use some explaining, apologizing, or victory lapping.
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